come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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