You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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