Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think I won the penis lottery.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
