sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Pappa wants mamma naked
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
