All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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