My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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