based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
