every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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