he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just blew my weed a kiss
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize