I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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