I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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