When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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