Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
