Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
