at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize