You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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