i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
