During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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