How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
