Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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