yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
