my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
