walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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