go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
