so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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