Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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