Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
