I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
