i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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