i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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