Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize