Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
