I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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