you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
