Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
