i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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