I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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