What did we do last night that was yellow?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
