If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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