My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i need an iv and a liver transplant
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
