Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
