I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The adults are the big ones right?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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