everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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