Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
