The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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