I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
