Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
