I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
