i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
