Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
