I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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