Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
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