I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
