God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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