oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
