Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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