And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
