Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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