Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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