No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
