my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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