I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
