it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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