I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize