HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
