Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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