I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
