oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
