sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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