my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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