So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
