Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize