google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
