my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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