So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
