you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
