hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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