Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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