in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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