The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
