we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize