Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
