Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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