Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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