If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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