laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
