new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
