i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
