I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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